Waiting for February

Waiting for February

I always say the year begins on the 1st of February. I say this because every January, it takes me some time to get into the rhythm of things and to feel motivated for the year ahead. Also I feel we need the month of January to recover from the busy craziness that usually is December. Well this past December was not crazy in the normal sense for me, as there was no end of school events or extended family or friends to buy presents for or celebrate with, but I think it is fair to say the whole of 2020 was its own unique type of crazy. In fact, I think we need 12 Januaries to recover from it.

Here in Scotland it is winter and cold. Sunrise is at 8.28am, making waking up and getting out of bed really challenging. It is dark, cold and quiet and as there is nothing planned, each day feels the same as the day before, with nothing to mark it. No reason to get up and out of the warm cosy bed. So my motivation and self discipline are at an all time low and I am struggling to change things. I vacillate between reprimanding myself and creating new schedules and stricter routines to adhere to, and an attitude of kind surrender and compassion, where I allow myself to sleep in a little longer and forgive myself the multitude of imperfections I see each day.

It is an internal struggle and I’m not sure which part is actually winning. So far there is no reliable or consistent measure. Fortunately home schooling is starting again this week, and that will help give me a reason to be more motivated and help create some type of routine and structure.

Although there is currently no end in sight with Lockdown (which is really part of the problem), February is almost here, spring is around the corner and life in lockdown has to eventually end. That is what the seasons and life ultimately teach us - that no matter what, all things change, we just have to be patient in the waiting.